Everton to send Cleverley to Africa Cup of Nations.

Bluespoof have uncovered an ambitious plan to send Tom Cleverley to the Africa Cup of Nations rather than Idrissa Gueye. The influential midfielder is set to miss several fixtures in the new year whilst representing Senegal at the tournament in Gabon. Everton however, deem the player far too valuable to their premiership cause to allow him to leave.

It is believed that theatrical impresario Bill Kenwright, utilised his contacts within the industry to perform the extensive makeover required to pull off the ruse. The resulting disguise was said to be so convincing that the Senegalese team and management would have been more likely to discover it was Cleverley, not from the disguise itself, but from his abysmal midfield play.

Rather then being offended, Cleverley himself was said to have been keen on the plan; having not had the opportunity to disappoint an entire nation since his last appearance for England in November 2013.

Everton top-up levels of false-optimism.

As tensions reached boiling point between supporters of Everton and the playing staff and manager, following a disastrous run of spineless performances; the Everton team decided it was time to deliver a hard-fought victory against title chasing Arsenal on Tuesday evening.

I think we’d tested the fans patience enough. We weren’t sure how far we could push it, but Watford seemed like the tipping point. The Arsenal game felt like the right time to top-up the levels of false-optimism which had completely drained away from the start of the season. Especially with the derby being up next – it’s good they have some misplaced belief going into that. It seemed to work anyway, I saw them lapping it up online – talking about us having turned a corner, maybe even being able to beat Liverpool. All really funny stuff. Normal service will be resumed next week – don’t you worry about that,” said a player after the game. Phil Jagielka or someone, he’ll do.