The football media has spent the weekend frothing at the mouth at the sight of a handful of Evertonians not wanting to accept mediocrity. Pundits, journalists, radio phone-in hosts and assorted experts in the world of football (some of whom have managed a football team for a handful of games, but all of which know a lot more about football than you), have extensively watched minutes of Everton highlights to conclude that the fans have no right to accept anything other than mediocrity.
“Everton have no right to try and break the dominance of the current big six,” said seventeen ex-Liverpool players without an agenda. “Who do they think they are – wanting to mix it with historical big-hitters like Tottenham, Chelsea and Manchester City? They need to stick with Sam Allardyce. He’s as good as secured 8th place for them, and there’s no reason why he can’t do that again next year.”
It is hard to question their logic. Allardyce has completely turned around the fortunes of the club. When appointed earlier in the season, Everton were languishing thirty points adrift at the foot of the Premiership table, and almost overnight he turned them into the 1970 Brazil team. With a memorable draw away at Swansea, and a shot at home to Newcastle – the expensively assembled blues squad have consistently demolished Champions League standard opposition and stormed from lower mid-table to mid-table under his stewardship.
“There is no team in England who wouldn’t want Sam as their manager,” said another ex-red pundit, whist trying not to laugh, “I think he should be offered a contract extension.”
Everton have issued a ‘Fans Survey’ to help them determine whether to fire manager Sam Allardyce. You would think the decision would be as certain as a Funes Mori barbecue this weekend, but it seems the club are still unsure as to whether or not he should be relieved of his duties at the end of the season.
Allardyce, who has now achieved his two objectives of helping the blues reach 40 points, and ensuring they play turgid anti-football in the process, is still in the Goodison hot-seat. Like a straggler who won’t leave a party, or a relative who won’t go home after Christmas – he is currently overseeing preparations of how to secure a ‘vital point’ at home to Newcastle on Monday night.
Viewed as harsh by some outsiders, the wording of the question in point could have been simplified to:
How would you like to see Sam Allardyce relieved of his duties?
A) Via the telephone
. B) Via an email.
C) Via a message in a Fortune Pie. D) Why the hell is he still here?
Other questions seemed aimed at ascertaining whether fans were still happy that the club was a rudderless, shambolic, amateurish mess, in complete disarray from board to pitch level. Some examples being:
On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being “I Completely Agree” and 0 being “I Strongly Agree.” Please rate the following:
- It has never been so demoralising or soul destroying to support Everton as it has been this season.
- I don’t have faith in the board successfully making their way to Goodison Park on Monday night, never mind taking us to Bramley-Moore in 4 years’ time.
- Everton need to pull their finger out and actually employ some people who can SORT OUT THE MESS.
Yannick Bolasie expressed his delight at scoring his biennial goal during Everton’s complete mauling at the hands of Manchester City.
The Congolese winger bagged the blues’ second half consolation, his second goal for the club and first since returning from a cruciate ligament injury.
“I’m delighted to score, but it was more important that as a team we continued to put in a spineless, almost pre-season like performance, that shows the fans just how much we all care.”
“I like to try and score a goal every two years, and hadn’t netted since 2016, so it was good to get one today and hopefully I can get another before the end of 2020 – if I’m still here riding this gravy train,” he laughed.