Mirallas snakes back into contention.

Kevin Mirallas is trying to force his way into Marco Silva’s plans by putting in a series of good pre-season performances.

The Belgian snake (30) has also been muscling his way onto free-kick duties, and is relishing stealing the next penalty kick, whilst our spineless captain watches on in silence.

The pattern of a handful of decent performances followed by a period of sulking and down-tooling, is of course textbook Mirallas. However, it is not clear this time what his motivation is. Having arrived in Athens to a returning hero’s welcome, only to be chased back to the airport a few months later by a mob of seething Greeks, another dream-move to Olympiakos is no longer on the cards. Whilst Everton themselves are already well-stocked in the non-prolific striker and inconsistent winger departments.

Rumours around Finch Farm suggest that his motivation relates to a wager he is having with the equally ophidian Morgan Schneiderlin.

Meltdown over transfer activity.

Thousands of Evertonians are in meltdown over the clubs refusal to replicate last year’s summer transfer policy of signing anyone that they could find for any price that was asked.

The summer outlay of approximately £400m essentially landed Everton Jordan Pickford and an unmanageable wage bill.

Marcel Brands and Marco Silva have been much slower off the mark than previous incumbents Koeman and Walsh. The duo, bizarrely wanting to asses the current squad, and determine, which, if any of the 223 playing staff they want to retain before making any signings.

To outsiders it may seem that Brands has a difficult job on his hands, but with these minor additions to the starting eleven, Everton could easily break back into the Premier League’s Top 6:

GK: PICKFORD
LB: NEW SIGNING
CB: NEW SIGNING
CB: NEW SIGNING
RB: NEW SIGNING
LM: NEW SIGNING
CM: NEW SIGNING
CM: NEW SIGNING
RM: NEW SIGNING
S: NEW SIGNING
S: NEW SIGNING

Rooney’s year long testimonial comes to an end.

Wayne Rooney’s year long testimonial came to an end last week as he completed a deal to join MLS side D.C. United on a three and a half year contract.

The year long testimonial was arranged by chairman Bill Kenwright as a thank you for Rooney’s outstanding services to the club. It netted him approximately £8m pounds which he will either donate to his favourite charity or use to pay court injunctions and fines.

Deemed a club legend by assorted print media, Rooney appeared 85 times for the blues and clocked up an astonishing 28 goals, placing him a respectable nowhere on the clubs’ all time appearance and goalscoring charts.