Dread levels at two year low.

The level of dread prior to Everton’s next game against Bournemouth is at a two year low according to figures released today.

Levels have returned to ’actually quite looking forward to it’ for the first time since early in the Koeman reign, down several points from last seasons high of ’christ I honestly can’t take another minute of this.

Experts forecast that the spell could last as long as the trip to the Emirates at the end of September, or just as likely nosedive by the visit of Huddersfield next weekend.

Fear of being loaned to Stoke behind upturn in form.

It’s been revealed that ‘fear of being loaned to Stoke’ is the key reason behind Everton’s apparent upturn in form.

Several of last seasons under-performers, including Morgan Schneiderlin, have put in noticeably better performances so far this season. The Frenchman confirmed:

I was putting in a shift in against Southampton. Thankfully, I got injured after 20 minutes so I didn’t have to do it for the whole game – but for at least 20 minutes I was almost jogging about. The thought of having to play in front of Ashley Williams and Cuco Martina for another season terrified me.

It’s rumoured that Marco Silva and Marcel Brands intend to put even more pressure on some of the fringe players this week. Talk that they’re prepared to go as far as threatening them with having to play under Tony Pulis at Middlesbrough should not be taken lightly by anyone on the clubs’ books.