Tag Archives: allardyce

Fury that squad of average players are average.

There is mounting discontent in and around Goodison as Everton’s squad of typically average players continue to put in average performances. Worryingly, Marco Silva – over the course of a full pre-season, has failed to transform the terrible signings of Koeman, Walsh and Allardyce into a side capable of challenging for the top four. Even the quality players signed by Moyes, though on their last legs, have somehow failed to rediscover the form they had several years ago when they were in their thirties and still able to run.

In addition to Silva’s inherited squad of over-priced, second-rate shite; several signings were made over the summer – but even these have failed to make an impact. Bernard has now played several minutes for the club without registering a goal, whilst both Mina and Gomes have made no difference whatsoever to the team. Yes, neither have yet played – but is that a good enough excuse?

The frustration felt by fans is magnified when a glance over the park sees resurgent neighbours Liverpool look like they could be valid contenders for second place in the Premier League. Klopp also has cup pedigree, and there is a strong belief that yet again he could deliver a runners-up place in one of the two remaining cups.

Meanwhile, back at Goodison there’s now a legitimate fear that Everton are heading for mid-table – a fate they have only endured 20 times since the formation of the Premier League.

Dread levels at two year low.

The level of dread prior to Everton’s next game against Bournemouth is at a two year low according to figures released today.

Levels have returned to ’actually quite looking forward to it’ for the first time since early in the Koeman reign, down several points from last seasons high of ’christ I honestly can’t take another minute of this.

Experts forecast that the spell could last as long as the trip to the Emirates at the end of September, or just as likely nosedive by the visit of Huddersfield next weekend.

Don’t be afraid to Allardyce.

Young man abandoned lost in depression sitting on ground street subway tunnel suffering emotional pain, sadness and looking destroyed and desperate leaning on wall alone

Team on a bad run?

Legitimate fears of relegation?

Maybe you just crave tedious, overly negative football?

Whatever your reasons – don’t be afraid to Allardyce.

Call Sam now and get that help you need.

There is no shame in Allardycing, many clubs have done it before, and many more will too. Make the call, and within days Sam and his crack-team of touchline Sammy and doing something in the stands Craig can be there to help. All it takes is a massive pay check and a short-term contract.

No one said Allardycing is easy. It can be painful to watch and the effects of it can last for years. But together we can pull through. Within a season or two, you can once again be safe in mid-table and playing free-flowing attack minded football.

If you, or any other club you know, need Sam’s help – then reach out today. Make that call. Or bring a brown envelope.

Suffer in your thousands – not alone.

Media demand Everton accept mediocrity.

The football media has spent the weekend frothing at the mouth at the sight of a handful of Evertonians not wanting to accept mediocrity. Pundits, journalists, radio phone-in hosts and assorted experts in the world of football (some of whom have managed a football team for a handful of games, but all of which know a lot more about football than you), have extensively watched minutes of Everton highlights to conclude that the fans have no right to accept anything other than mediocrity.

Everton have no right to try and break the dominance of the current big six,” said seventeen ex-Liverpool players without an agenda. “Who do they think they are – wanting to mix it with historical big-hitters like Tottenham, Chelsea and Manchester City? They need to stick with Sam Allardyce. He’s as good as secured 8th place for them, and there’s no reason why he can’t do that again next year.

It is hard to question their logic. Allardyce has completely turned around the fortunes of the club. When appointed earlier in the season, Everton were languishing thirty points adrift at the foot of the Premiership table, and almost overnight he turned them into the 1970 Brazil team. With a memorable draw away at Swansea, and a shot at home to Newcastle – the expensively assembled blues squad have consistently demolished Champions League standard opposition and stormed from lower mid-table to mid-table under his stewardship.

There is no team in England who wouldn’t want Sam as their manager,” said another ex-red pundit, whist trying not to laugh, “I think he should be offered a contract extension.

Everton Fans Survey

Everton have issued a ‘Fans Survey’ to help them determine whether to fire manager Sam Allardyce. You would think the decision would be as certain as a Funes Mori barbecue this weekend, but it seems the club are still unsure as to whether or not he should be relieved of his duties at the end of the season.

Allardyce, who has now achieved his two objectives of helping the blues reach 40 points, and ensuring they play turgid anti-football in the process, is still in the Goodison hot-seat. Like a straggler who won’t leave a party, or a relative who won’t go home after Christmas – he is currently overseeing preparations of how to secure a ‘vital point’ at home to Newcastle on Monday night.

Viewed as harsh by some outsiders, the wording of the question in point could have been simplified to:

How would you like to see Sam Allardyce relieved of his duties?

A) Via the telephone
.   B) Via an email.   
C) Via a message in a Fortune Pie.   D) Why the hell is he still here?

Other questions seemed aimed at ascertaining whether fans were still happy that the club was a rudderless, shambolic, amateurish mess, in complete disarray from board to pitch level. Some examples being:

On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being “I Completely Agree” and 0 being “I Strongly Agree.” Please rate the following:

  • It has never been so demoralising or soul destroying to support Everton as it has been this season.

  • I don’t have faith in the board successfully making their way to Goodison Park on Monday night, never mind taking us to Bramley-Moore in 4 years’ time.

  • Everton need to pull their finger out and actually employ some people who can SORT OUT THE MESS.

 

Fans given warm weather break.

Blues’ fans are to be given a warm weather break in Dubai.

It is hoped that a week long break away from all things Everton might go some way to helping people take their minds off the living hell that is Everton Football Club.

However, genuine concerns have been raised that the amount of alcohol readily available in Dubai may not be sufficient to numb the pain of the past three years, and the realisation that we’re still terrible and managed by Sam Allardyce.

Supporters not lucky enough to secure tickets to Dubai have been asked to remain in the UK and to continue arguing amongst themselves.

Walcott confuses Allardyce with someone.

Theo Walcott completed his switch from Arsenal to Everton yesterday, and stated that he ‘believed Sam Allardyce could reignite his career.

The 28 year old (who has clearly spent the majority of this season immaculately trimming his beard, rather than watching the blues’ abject performances), spent his first day at Finch Farm confusing Allardyce with someone else.

The attacking winger is expected to nail down one of the six defensive midfield positions in Allardyce’s favoured 4-6-0 formation. It is hoped that within the first few games, Everton can mount a sustained push for a shot on target – a feat last achieved in late December.

In his first interview as an Everton player, the England international also stated that ‘the manager was very hungry’, so at least he got that part right.

Allardyce to focus on midfield recruitment.

With a punishing schedule of almost twenty league games and an FA Cup tie to contend with, Everton manager Sam Allardyce will be desperate to strengthen his midfield options in the January transfer window – an area grossly neglected by Steve Walsh and his predecessor Ronald Koeman in the summer.

With Kieron Dowell on loan at Nottingham Forrest, and long term absentees Yannick Bolasie and Ross Barkley seemingly weeks away from a return, the blues boss only has Morgan Schneiderlin, Wayne Rooney, Kevin Mirallas, Aaron Lennon, James McCarthy, Idrissa Gueye, Gylfi Sigurdsson, Davy Klaassen, Mo Besic, Tom Davies, Nikola Vlasic, Ademola Lookman and Beni Baningime at his disposal.

Thankfully, there are some areas where he doesn’t need to be concerned. At left-back, right-back Cuco Martina will battle it out with right-back Cuco Martina and the injured ghost of Leighton Baines. Whilst upfront, both Dominic Calvert-Lewin and Oumar Niasse will compete for the sole position of club striker. It is expected than Sandro Ramirez will return to La Liga, but it was also expected that he wouldn’t be useless – so who knows how that will play out.