No way is that a red. This Richarlison is some player. Can we finish a match with eleven men some time this season? What’s going on – these signings are actually good? West Ham – seriously? Robbed there. What a goal Siggi – but no more penalties. Bernard’s going to be a world beater. Stop pissing about in the League Cup! We’ve won away! Bernard’s struggling isn’t he. Where’s Gomes and Mina? We’ll never beat the ‘Big 6.’ Seamus reads social media. Gomes does exist! And he’s brilliant too! Theo and Cenk have gone shit. I’m falling in love with Andre Gomes. Start Lookman. We’re actually starting to look good. Don’t start Lookman – he’s better as a sub. We could get top 6 this season. The Andre Gomes pictures on my desktop and constant appearances in my search history? Nothing to worry about love – it’s just erm, research. What – the – fuck – were you thinking there? We’ll beat these two. We didn’t beat these two. I said no more penalties for you. There’s no way we’ll finish top 6 this season.
Everton plan to capitalise on the success and profile of star midfielder Gylfi Sigurdsson.
It is widely accepted that there were missed opportunities to gain a foothold in both the Australian and American markets when both Tim Cahill and Tim Howard were at the height of their powers. The club are determined not to make the same mistake, and CEO Denise Barrett-Baxendale outlined their plans:
“40,000 Norwegians make the trip to Liverpool every other week – so why can’t a handful of Icelanders too? We didn’t spend £45m on a player without intending to capitalise on the lucrative market that is the most sparsely populated country in Europe.”
“We’ll be running a series of adverts around Reykjavik to let people know who Everton are. And for fans back home, we’ll also be offering an offal smorgasbord on match days, so people will be able to sample some authentic Icelandic cuisine like cured shark, singed sheep heads and broiled puffin. I’m not expecting it to be that much of a leap into the unknown after what’s been going into the pies during the last 20 years.”
Everton eventually land their man.